If you have recently gotten married, then you are likely adjusting to many changes. Even if you and your partner lived together before marriage, helping your partner’s children adjust to you can be quite a challenge. Things can get even more complicated if your partner has children. Perhaps he or she had children from a previous heterosexual relationship, or maybe he or she shares custody of a child from a previous same-sex partner. If this is the case, then the marriage will be an adjustment for everyone involved. Here are some ways you can help make it easier.

Be Patient

Hopefully, you met the children before you and your partner got married, so you have at least gotten a chance to know each other a little bit. Still, it’s important to be patient as everyone gets used to the new marriage. If your partner has been single for a long period of time, then the children may not be used to sharing him or her with someone else. They may feel a bit jealous of you as your spouse starts giving you more of his or her time. Make sure you are patient and understanding. Children are generally good at adjusting to change, but it can take time.

Include Them

The last thing you want is for your partner’s children to feel like they aren’t included or that they are unwanted. When you married your partner, you made the commitment to be a step-parent to his or her children. Get involved in their lives. Ask them what some of their interests are and try to find things that you have in common. Perhaps your partner’s son is into sports just like you, but your partner is not a sports fan at all. You can take advantage of this by watching some football together, or maybe even spending the day at the ballpark. These kids should be very important to you, so make sure you show it. Not only will this help the children adjust quickly, it will also likely help you and your partner’s relationship.

Helping Your Partner’s Children Adjust

If you don’t have children of your own, you may not be used to having them around. It can be helpful if you have nieces or nephews, but even then, it’s not the same as living with children. Remember that children are still learning a lot about the world, and at times they can flat out be difficult to deal with. While hopefully most of the time your partner’s children will be well behaved, there’s almost a guarantee that at some point, you will see them:

• Throw fits when they don’t get their way
• Have attitude or be outright defiant when you ask them to do something
• Lie straight to your face, even when they know you know they aren’t being honest

When this happens, try to be patient. Ask your partner how he or she disciplines the children, and let him or her take the lead. This is especially important in the early days. If you try to assert yourself as a figure of authority too soon, the children will have a hard time respecting you.

That isn’t to say you should let them act however they want, though. If you are alone with the children, then it’s your job to handle things, and that includes defiance. Just make sure you have spoken with your partner so you aren’t overstepping.

Understand Confusion

Children may be confused if you are the first same-sex partner their parent has had. They may ask questions that are uncomfortable and sometimes rude. Try to be understanding. Your partner should do most of the explaining, but try not to take it personally if the children make comments you find offensive.

Blended families can face challenges at first, but they can easily work just as well as non-blended families. Just try to take it slow and follow your partner’s lead when you are unsure of something.